J…a fellow cancer patient, passed away Friday. We buried her today. Before she passed, on the Wednesday before, actually, she wrote me a letter. But I wasn't the only one she wrote to…….
Hey Bitch — I died.
Wow, that actually almost sounds bad! I've said all I need to say to you for now. I'm going to leave a message for the other people in your life. Please share it with them:
Sis – Get your shit together! There is nothing wrong with having a man who ain't worth a damn. But when he destroys what little YOU have, he needs to eat some pavement! Love YOU! In the end, you are all the fuck you got! Trust me! I'm there!
Brother – Dude, grow a set! Get out of Mama's house! I know you think it's hopeless but it's only that way if YOU let someone steal your hope! And that shit ain't free! Nothing is…except this advice.
Mama – You have to to be the single most worthless mother on Earth when it comes to loving another human being – especially your children! You have fucked them up so royally it's shameful! Emily is one of the best people I know but she will never believe me…because of you! From the rest of the world, I'd like to flip you the bird and say, "Fuck off."
Daddy – I know you and I have a negative history tainted by your losses to me in poker. I am clearly superior to you but you keep trying. I know now where your daughter gets it. I hope you know that you are one of the only men Emily will ever love. And that is a reflection of the other men in the world…but it's more about you. You have fucked up royally, owned up to the bullshit and moved on. Fucking BRAVO to you!! If I could stand, I wouldn't.. you know why. But YAY for you anyway! You a'ight to me.
Monica – Do your best. You know you've been through your worst. You cool.
Brandy – Go to Hell in a slow and painful manner. You are the biggest idiot walking erect on two legs. You lost her…you fail at existing! Leave her alone or I will make your life hell.
Reilly – I thought you'd wise up and be braver than you are. Fear takes too much energy. Buck up! Be strong! You're going to be a great catch…if you'd stop running in the wrong direction! Sit still…she's coming…STAY where you are."
FTD - Die. That is all.
And now we come to the last and most important person…The New Chick…
Honest to God, if you're not "the one", that sort of thing doesn't exist. I have loved this woman for almost a year now from the privacy of my own heart. I will never kiss her, hold her, or tell her that I love her. That is your job now. Take care of our girl, okay? It's all you now. She has a self-esteem problem. Fix that, would ya? She's beautiful and has no fucking clue. She's ashamed of her past and of wanting more from her future. She has a lot of guilt over being the only person with her disease and still not being dead yet! Take care of that. When you kiss her, touch her face…she says she loves that. Tell her you miss her, love her, want her, need her, and you think she's beautiful as often as you can think to. At random times. At inappropriate times. Times you really should and times you really shouldn't no matter who's around or who isn't. Every day. Because I promise she will do these things for you. That's just Em. If you fuck up, give her chocolate and kisses.. and repeat as necessary. Do not hang up on her! Do not go to bed mad at her. Do not think she will sleep if she goes to bed mad. She has a heart of gold and an ego of glass. She is easily hurt and very jealous. Do not test either of these!! Unless you want to lose her. Do not challenge her too much but don't give in on everything. Kiss her and do it slowly. When you finally do get to hold her "like that"…go slowly…don't rush. Watch her, listen to her, and really, really make sure you pay attention. She is beautiful when she forgets she's being watched. Be good to her or I will find out and come back. Love her well. Love her long. Love her the way I did…but in every way I didn't. She will be the best thing that ever happened to you. In case you don't know, she already is.
Now, for you. It's very simple. Don't change for anyone other than yourself. You are not perfect, remember…you're perfectly you. And I know I never told you but…I love you.
J
Although it wasn't "like that"….I loved you, too, J.
Em
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